6 weeks

Ivan is changing dramatically on a daily basis.
The child we are interacting with NOW is a very different child than the one we visited 6 months ago and even different from the one we brought home 2 months ago.

We brought home a child who was (rightfully and understandably) terrified, lacking gross motor skill, had no confidence, no drive, no sense of exploration, no real connection with  or interest in the world around him, did not make eye contact, spent the majority of his time in self stimulation activities and made absolutely zero effort to have meaningful communication outside of physical cues (i.e. grabbing my hands and pulling them towards his chest in a gesture that is him telling me 'I want you to move me').

Today, I watched as Ivan mimicked me (something the orphanage staff told us that he had never done and could not do).

At one point, I scooped Ivan up and had him on my hip. I reached above our heads and tapped on the floating car that is part of the play area and said "Look, Ivan." He instantly looked up towards the tapping sound and immediately reached up, tapping on the car himself, then he laughed.

Through out the day he has willingly and happily offered and sought out eye contact. And not only with me but with my Niece, as well. I watched as he ran excitedly with the other kids toward the Bubble Machine toy that produced a surreal experience in our yard where Ivan was holding his hands out and touching bubbles as an immense cloud of them floated around him.  I had to continually move the toy because he wanted to get his face right up inside it to see HOW it was making the bubbles.  He wanted to feel the fan blowing. He wanted to taste the bubbles.

HE HELD A PIECE OF TOAST IN HIS HANDS AND PUT IT BETWEEN HIS TEETH BY HIMSELF AND TOOK A BITE AND PUT THE REST OF THE TOAST BACK ON THE TABLE WHILE HE CHEWED THE BITE.

no Y'all don't get it.
He took a bite. Of toast. That was too big to all fit into his mouth at once. He held the toast himself and made the measured choice to take a bite off. Then he sat the remainder of the toast on the table.

!!!!!!
It doesn't sound big but i promise you that it is monumental. Like, Mount Rushmore, monumental.

He has learned to turn his sippy cup BY HIMSELF to orient the spout to where it lines up with his mouth.

Another action that doesn't sound like much but IT IS HUGE.

He climbs into his own chair at the table for meals.

He is climbing the ladder up the play set and going down the slide on his own, without any kind of prompting or assistance, regularly now.

He is sitting in a "big kid" swing, holding the chains and keeping his balance.

He is understanding near everything I say.


And here's the big one. The BIG one.

When I was changing his diaper today, I played a game with him where I lifted his shirt and blew a raspberry on his belly and it made him laugh. After about 3 times of lifting his shirt, raspberry, and pulling his shirt down I thought we were done and could go back outside but he pulled his shirt up and HE MADE A RASPBERRY SOUND

WITH HIS OWN MOUTH

AT ME

IN CONTEXT OF THE GAME.

*breathe*
The last few days, he has been *almost* blowing kisses when told to. He will *almost* do it on his own.  He gets so close, he recognizes that I am blowing a kiss, he makes the choice to blow one back and then will stop short and wait for me to help him with the motion. BUT HE'S SO CLOSE.

we are /--this--/ close to meaningful interactive communication.

six weeks home.

5 weeks

Ivan has been home five weeks.
We're still in the crazy "This is not real life" stage. However, I think we're past the dramatically emotional 'honeymoon period'.

I was lied to about the honeymoon period, y'all. I was told the honeymoon period would be an unknown amount of time where both the parent and the child would be on their best behaviour while learning about each other and feeling each other out.
THAT honeymoon period lasted approximately 8 hours from pick up from the orphanage for us.
The honeymoon we experienced involved highly emotional rage fits that lasted upwards of half an hour and were happening two or three times a day. Why? No idea. Frustration? Anger? Missing the orphanage? Missing his Baba? Angry with me because I'm the crazy white lady that he can't understand? Tired of the weird food? Generally feeling unsafe because of the drastic changes in his life over the last few weeks?
Maybe. Maybe all of those. Maybe one of them. Maybe something else I haven't thought of. Either way, the child had emotional rage fits, two to three times a day, lasting about a half hour each for at least the first 3 weeks we were home.
The honeymoon that we experienced involved a child who would completely shut down when any kind of expectation was placed upon him. The Honeymoon that we experienced involved a child, entire body writhing in my lap as he physically fought and strained, displaying his emotions the only way he knows how, while clinging to me, his little arms wrapped around my shoulders tight, and screaming until I would hold him tight enough that he finally felt safe.
We were discovering a child who is functioning on the level of a one to two year old toddler.  It was expected but still an adjustment. In many ways, we've embraced his "baby" ways to help with bonding and attachment. He likes the things babies like so it's enjoyable for him if we hold him "like a baby" and play with him "like a baby" and it helps us all bond, like parents do with babies.

In the beginning, Magda and Mordecai ignored him, which was more than I could have asked for. While Ivan was SO VERY emotionally unstable and terrified, it was handy that he had no interest in them and they had no interest in him. It left us together, so I could be his comfort and constant.

Now, we are beginning to settle in, I think, and I think we are beginning to see more of what Ivan is truly capable of.  He is becoming confident, inquisitive, interactive, mischievous, and we still him more relaxed. As he has become less volatile and more predictable,  Magda and Mordecai have started making efforts to reach out to him and include him.  Magda loves to sing to him and tell him stories. She will include him in imaginative play (even if he seems like he isn't paying attention at all) by giving him a part to play (even though he does not participate at all) and she will continually reaffirm to him during the game that he is included by speaking to him or touching him. She never tries to force him to play in any way other than "his own way" but she still includes him.
Mordecai, being more physical, has been able to bond with Ivan more quickly through physical play. They jump on the trampoline together. They run through the house. Mordecai spent an entire day following Ivan around and mimicking his every movement and vocal tic. He still "talks" with Ivan by echoing Ivan's vocalizations.
Ivan does not seek them out, though. He allows them to play with him when they initiate the play. He interacts sparingly and definitely 'in his own way'.
He seeks out adults but often his interactions are empty . He is looking for a source of external stimulation and really has no preference how this is fulfilled or by whom.  We have had a strict rule that no one is to pick up or hold or allow Ivan to 'waller' on them. They are to direct him to Charlie or Me and let US fulfill that need for him. Recently, he has shown that he understands which adults will turn him down and mostly he will bypass them and come to me or Charlie, instead. However, he will still approach random strangers and try his charm on them. Every adult is an opportunity. Every adult is safe. Every adult exists to serve him. That's how Ivan thinks.  If an adult is holding food, it is for him. If an adult is holding a drink, it is for him. If an adult is standing, it is to pick him up. If an adult is sitting, it is for him to sit in their lap. This thought process applies to ANY and EVERY adult. Are you a complete stranger who happens to be opening a breakfast bar near us? "Oh, That's for me!" Ivan thinks and takes off in your direction because food being opened means he is going to be fed.
 We have to teach him that this is not true. It is a hard truth for him to learn and one that we will be working on for a while.
 We do not anticipate that his life will always be "Don't pick him up. Don't offer him snacks. Don't hug him" because this is a lesson that he will learn in phases. First, we need him to learn that Charlie and I are his primary caregivers and that we are capable and willing to provide everything that he needs. Once he knows this, we can begin working on what is acceptable behavior, acceptable expectations and safe boundaries to have with other adults outside of our home.

There's so much more but i'm actually exhausted. This has been a very busy time for us. It is so amazing and awesome to have Ivan home, finally, but it is also tiring and overwhelming sometimes to have Ivan home, as well. We love him. And I think that he appreciates us, having a family, a home, in his own way.

That's one thing I can promise the entire world about Ivan. He will do things, all things, his own way.