Don't be afraid.

Yesterday we had the pleasure of babysitting one of my great nieces, Aubrey. 

She is just a few months younger than our Mordecai so it makes for a fun filled day when she visits.

The three children often play together in the bedrooms with the toys.

I overheard Magdalena telling Aubrey, "It's okay. Don't be afraid." 

She said, "God is with you. You don't need to be afraid."

I could have cried.

"It's okay."

"Don't be afraid."

"God is with you."

"You don't need to be afraid."

After a day spent in angry, 

sorrowful prayer on Tuesday

 where I focused on

 all of God's plans which I need not understand,

THIS

is exactly what I needed to hear.

"God, I'm freaking out down here. 

This isn't going like I'd hoped. 

I'm afraid. 

I'm worried.

 I'm constantly thinking about The Child. 

Please help me."

and He comes back with

"I know."

"It's okay."

"Don't be afraid." 

"I'm with you."

"You don't need to be afraid."

"I've got this."

"Promise."

"Trust Me."

Peace.

It may not be apparent but I enjoy feeling in control of my life.

This adoption? I have no control over it.

None.

This is God's work.

I'm learning to do my small part

then try to enjoy the ride.

It's a daily struggle.

There are SO many Highs in this process.

And SO many Lows, as well.

We swing from pure joy

to overwhelming sorrow in seconds.

The joy of watching The Child

our son

walking unassisted on a video

when his file said that he could not walk unsupported.

Pure. Joy.

Then to know that it will be nearly a year before we can bring him home.

To know that he has to spend 

every

single

day

of his life

in the orphanage.

Without the love of a parent.

And to know that there is 

NOTHING 

we can do

 to help him any 

QUICKER.

Overwhelming sorrow

 doesn't fully convey the 

emotional turmoil

 that kind of knowledge brings with it.

All we have is God's plan.

The peace He affords us.

And to know that HE knows.

He's got this.

We don't need to be afraid.